31 Days to a Better Marriage, Day 11
Day 11: Pray for wisdom, and learning to keep our mouths shut!
Today is a guest post from Candice. She shares her struggles about learning to hold her tongue. I hope you are as blessed by this guest post as I am.
Instead of Speaking, Reach To God
Through out my marriage I am majorly at fault of speaking when I should hold my tongue. Over the years of my marriage ugly, bone crashing words have been uttered out of my mouth toward my spouse. Thinking of some of the names I have called him, or said towards him during a disagreement makes me hang my head in shame. The saying "words are mightier than a sword" comes to mind when I think of my past.
As a newly wed I had no filter on my thoughts, and words. I just said them as I thought them to my spouse. Than having a traumatic birth, and having our precious baby being diagnosed with a Brain Injury happened to our marriage. I quickly learned to hold my tongue on matters and let things cool off before voicing my opinion. The problem with that was that I was just bottling things up. When I exploded things, let's just say that things did not go well between the Hubby and I.
The first time I read about Proverbs 31, I was shocked! Up until this point in my marriage I had never heard of this awesome chapter in the Bible. From that moment on God brought many amazing resources in my life to stretch me as a wife. I learned things such as how to really pray for my spouse, and what a marriage looks like in God's eyes.
This past summer my father-in-law was diagnosed with throat cancer and in the fall we went out for his surgery. Those early days after finding out that his cancer was too far gone did major damage to my marriage. It seemed every word I spoke did harm to my spouse even though it was intended not to. I failed as a Proverbs 31 wife.
"She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12
As I sat before the Lord I poured out my heart about my spouse and I. God simply said, "lay the issue before the cross, and turn your eyes unto me." Quiet honestly it confused me. I stopped praying about my marriage and started focusing on God. By doing that I submitted to my spouse and started attending a church again that he felt at home in instead of the new church we where going to. (He later started joining me) Each small thing I changed in my life to bring me closer to God, brought me also closer to my spouse. When I became upset, I would lay it at the cross instead of using venom words.
Then the test came, my father-in-law's possible last Christmas with all the siblings. My spouse does not have a good relationship with all his siblings and the unknown of their actions was getting to his nerves and mine. For once we let each other know how it was affecting our moods instead of bottling it up. By the end of Christmas Day I was a silent kettle just waiting to explode. That night as I tried to fall asleep beside our child I heard God calling me to him.
When my spouse got up to use the bathroom he found me hunched over my Bible and praying. He asked me what I was doing and I honestly said, "Turing over today to God instead of getting into a fight with you."
It shocked him but also impressed him.
Some of the things that where bothering me God answered the next day, and others are a work in progress. There was a second time during that visit that I "just disappeared" and reached to God instead of lashing out at my spouse. The thing is my spouse new what I was doing that second time and gave me space to seek my Lord.
I have learned that sometimes submitting my tongue to God solves issues with my spouse with out even muttering a word.
"Wives submit to your Husbands as to the Lord" Ephesians 5:22
Today I encourage you to bless God and your spouse with your words!
about Candice: Hello, I am Candice Wilkinson the writer of Lilly Through The Valley. I am a mother, daughter, wife, writer, but most importantly a daughter of God. God has blessed me with a special little girl who is a Brain Injury survivor. When I am not homeschooling/conducting therapies I love to crochet and play with my two dogs.